I think it's finally time to tell you Though I treasure golden moments that we shared The truth is, we both know that it's not working And I've tried to face the facts, but I've been scared Now every evening we're together I try hard to find the love that I once knew It's not how it used to be And it's pretty plain to me That your writers' brains have all turned into goo And I'm afraid I can't keep watching you This dreck that you've become And every time I turn you on, you turn me off Because you've grown so dumb. I'm sorry, but I can't keep watching you It hurts inside my brain And somehow I'll endure the pain Of empty Monday nights You used to brighten up my week But someone turned out the lights I'm not sure when I started feeling That your scripts were not coherent anymore And your actors all show signs of waning patience With performances phoned in from Bangalore Once plots were richly convoluted; Now, there's deeper meaning in a toddler's scrawl. Yes, it's plain the shark's been jumped, And all pretense has been dumped That there's anything worth tuning in at all And that is why I can't keep watching you My Tivo has been cleared For characters are jumping ship Like drowning rats They've all but disappeared It's tragic but I can't keep watching you It's worse than infantile And though your reruns make me smile In syndication still You used to be must-see TV But now you're dishwater swill You should have pulled the plug in season five The characters we liked were still alive We'd all be better off... I won't be made a fool again; For god's sake, don't retool again! Have mercy, 'cause I can't keep watching you I just can't stands no more The regulars are counting days Till contracts end, Then bolting for the door Not even rabid fans keep watching you: They've all run out of steam. The music of your opening theme Is like a dentist's drill I really can't keep watching you But knowing me If nothing else is on I prob'ly will

The stars are just emerging on the coverlet of night And on the west horizon, I see Venus burning bright I love this time of evening, when the crickets start to call But there's work I must attend to, as the shadows gently fall. To all of my surroundings, I must pay most careful heed, As I approach the hutches, for it's nearly time to feed. I shudder to imagine their gnawing hunger pangs: Those tiny little bunnies, with tiny little fangs [Chorus:] And the vampire bunnies are restless tonight, And their eyes, erubescent, are faintly aglow, And they're boring right through me, unblinking, And I worry how much they've been drinking, And the unholy thoughts that they're thinking, I don't want to know.... No, don't let me know. It's a mystery where they came from, and they're not a common breed, And maybe, if I'd known at first, I'd never have agreed. But somehow it seems right to raise these rabbits on my farm, To guard them with my life, to see that nothing brings them harm. [Chorus] I started with a pair, and they have done much more than thrive. Indentured to their care, I bring them all of their prey alive. It's very disconcerting, the rate at which they grow, And they multiply like — well, you probably know. They prick their velvet ears up as they gather for the kill, And they twitch their little noses as they drink their thirsty fill. Their fur is soft and fluffy, but it’s clammy to the touch, And their eyes give me the willies, so I don’t pet them much. I’ve tried to be suspicious, but they’re just so doggone cute, And the question of their provenance is fast becoming moot. The more I keep their bellies full, the more they reproduce, And I’m running out of hutch space; soon, I’ll have to turn them loose. [Chorus] Please don't let me know... Oh, dear God, no…

I want to be your hero It would be swell to catch you when you fall Dive in the well to fetch your golden ball I want to be the one I want to be your hero Crawl into Hades, take you to the light When you're afraid, I'll make it seem all right Until you see the sun I want to be your hero I want to be your knight in armor, To dash into the dragon's lair I want to be your princely charmer, To flash my royal flag and swear Eternal love Sweet turtledove I want to be your hero Come in the nick of time to save the day Prove with a click that crime just doesn't pay And keep you safe and sound I want to be your hero To tie the game and score the winning run Set hearts aflame and, more than anyone Be who you'll want around I want to be your hero I want to be the one you're missing To be the most unspoiled of men When there's a villain whom you're hissing, He'll find that he's been foiled again By none but me My bumblebee I want to be your hero Ensure your fear is gone without delay Put maple syrup on your breakfast tray And chocolate in your hand I want to be your hero If I espied your next felicity And multiplied it exponentially Like the Sahara's sand Then I could be your hero Please let me be your hero I want to be your hero

[Chorus:] Ganymede, Io, Europa, Callisto, Attending your master, so nearly a star Those nights Galileo unraveled your wandering, Wonderingly from afar, Could he have imagined how different you are? Favored cupbearer is Ganymede, beautiful boy of the stars The king of the Sol system's satellites, nearly the measure of Mars His atmosphere is thin, An iron core within; Between them lie four billion years' worth of scars [Chorus] Io, tormented by flies, had to bide in a cow's lowly form. Her namesake is red of complexion, with sulfurous volcanoes aswarm Beset by mighty tides, Her turbulent insides Revise Io's surface and take it by storm [guitar solo] Europa was robbed of her virtue by Jove in the form of a bull Her moon guards an ocean of water, kept warm by her lord's tidal pull A million fissures slice A crazy-quilt of ice: Of what hidden mysteries might this sea be full? [Chorus] Artemis' nymph was Callisto, deceived by a cross-dresser's snare Her fate found her flung to the heavens, bereft and bewitched as a bear Most distant of the four, She's bound forevermore By Jupiter's red-eyed, tempestuous stare [Chorus]

War was cold in 1962; The whole world was holding its breath Uneasy peace could crumble any day: Would skies rain down clouds of death? The Cuban threat had the White House tense And it seemed Khrushchev would not yield to sense Soviet submarines, all in self-defense, Patrolled the Atlantic coast [Chorus:] Vasiliy Arkhipov was just a simple man He served Mother Russia the best that he could When worlds hang in balance, as sometimes they can It takes one like Vasiliy to tip back the scales for good Vasiliy came from humble peasant stock He'd fought 'gainst Japan, sweeping mines That autumn day, he was stationed on a sub, The F-Class B-59 The Navy fleet tried to roust them out, And a depth-charge siege kept them tossed about. Out of radio contact, they lurched in doubt: Had war been declared at last? [Chorus] Savitsky was the captain in command. He judged that the hour has struck "We must launch now: the moment is at hand; We've run out of time and luck." Maslennikov felt he had to say That the captain's right and it looks that way And Vasiliy felt, with no small dismay, The stir of a private ghost... [Chorus] Vasiliy had served aboard another sub, The Hotel-Class K-19 An overheated reactor near meltdown-- Vassiliy remembered the scene. He knew first-hand of that deadly glow And just what it meant if they made it so So he took a stand and he shouted, "No! Some deeds we cannot undo. This has gone too far: there's a world at stake And this fateful call is not ours to make We must surface now, for our children's sake." ...And the missiles never flew. Vasiliy Arkhipov was just a simple man He served Mother Russia the best that he could When worlds hang in balance, as sometimes they can It takes one like Vasiliy One like Vasiliy It takes one like Vasiliy to tip back the scales for good За здорове! [Russian for "to (your) health!"] Hey!

The bright moon has risen, and with it a cry Of anguish and triumph I cannot deny I prowl through the night while the innocent sleep And murder the shepherds as well as their sheep I howl with the torment of ecstasy's toll Driven by needs that I cannot control The hunger for blood, and the lust for the kill The deeper the shame is, the greater the thrill With lonely men's need for a prostitute's bed I slaughter the flock till desire is fed But passion and pleasure depart with a jolt And pain in my side from a silver-white bolt Dismayed and afraid, from the watchmen I fly Unworthy to live but unwilling to die The sickening shame in me twists like a knife As I helplessly fall at the feet of my wife My terrible secret I never have shared Because of the penalty I never dared i never imagined in all of my years That someone could comfort the monster she fears My wife is an innocent; she never guessed A hideous viper could hide in her nest The deaths that so saddened her heart to the core-- She had no idea they might fall at her door And though I appear more like monster than man, Miraculously, my wife knows who I am She quickly perceives the extent of my sin, And yet, for some reason she welcomes me in When neighbors arrive here in search of their prey, She lies to their faces and sends them away, And tends to my injuries all through the night, After she muzzles me so I won't bite She gently removes the dread bolt from my side And strokes fur that so coarsely covers my hide She brings me such easement I've not felt in years, And carefully comforts the monster she fears The morning sun rises to see me made whole, Excepting the miserable ache in my soul As, broken and tearful, I try to explain Why I have engendered such horror and pain Despite the misdeeds I can never defend My wife, like an alchemist, sets me to mend My ugly confession's a kind of relief As guilt in my heart is transmuted to grief With strength like a reed during high river flows She calmly assesses the threat that I pose She will not allow me to slaughter more sheep But if I'll obey her, my secret she'll keep So now when the moonlight shines down on the field She chains me in iron, our neighbors to shield And keeps close the silver bolt, sharp and concealed, For though she may bind me, I'll never be healed She cannot absolve me; it isn't her place And yet her acceptance is something like grace it's more than I hoped for in all of my years That my wife should comfort the monster she fears

Hey, cool cat, where you steppin' tonight All dressed up in the black and the white? Looks like you've got plans to roam Won't be wastin' time at home Decked out in your finest fur A connoisseur Of flair Hey, cool cat, in your dickey and spats So classy, the Gene Kelley of cats The manxes on the fence will hail The elegance of your tail You really know how to wail Cool cat! Hey, cool cat, it's a quarter to eight Get moving! You don't want to be late You'll get pussies, that's for sure They'll be lined up out the door You have got a date to keep, It's great to be Prepared Hey, cool cat, with your whiskers soignés All fixed up in the family way The kitties come from miles around But won't litter up the pound Enjoy your night on the town Cool cat!

Oh, there are many Jennifers (We all know the name was popular) My life's been filled with Jennifers Since the time I was small You're not just any Jennifer You're the one who made a difference When I was all alone you were the one who found the door in the wall I built around myself Fair and pure in Celtic tongue And Jennifer, that describes you well And every ballad ever sung Has a rhyme apropos It's as if we met when very young, But time has seen our ripening, And no-one else has ever made me want to change the way that I grow, To reach beyond myself Is a name more than a word? We both know life is absurd Thoughts can take wing like a bird Love is a dream overheard Oh, there are many Jennifers (We all know the name was popular) Ten-for-a-penny Jennifers Since the time I was small My life unfolds in episodes Like chapters in a mystery And those since you, my Jennifer, have been the very best of them all That's where I found myself

Here is my bench and the tools of my trade Burnished by decades of love Sure and I'm proud of the things I have made I would put nothing above them Never did I second-guess the hand dealt Yearn for a different self But something awakened inside me, I felt The day I discovered a far grander stage for an elf I found Tolkien's Middle-Earth and all at once I could see Far off in the distance, Another existence Was waiting for me Yes, out of the workshop and into the sun Laughing through Rivendell I long to run No more indentured, my chains I'll unbind Galadriel, take me To Lórien, make me Of your elfin-kind Toymaking runs in my family's veins, A calling of honor and pride But somewhere beneath tops and teddies and trains, My heritage beckons inside me, Whispered Sindarin or Quenya I hear, Murmuring, "There must be more!" I'd give up this stolid, respected career To ride beside Arwen through valleys of old Númenor I'd trade in my cobbler's hammer and woodworker's drill For a bow and a quiver And armor and livery Made of mithríl Yes, out of the workshop and into the sun Laughing through Imladris I long to run Hail, Lord Elrond! I'm no longer blind; Galadriel, take me To Lórien, make me Of your elfin-kind A hero like Legolas, greater than Elbereth, I could have been No Silmarillion tells of a million battles I've seen Oh, to finally take my place With an ancient noble race On those ships across the sea! To be friend to dwarf and man, to Finally get away from Santa And be what I'm meant to be! Out of the workshop and into the sun Laughing through Karningul I long to run Gandalf or Kringle? I've made up my mind: Galadriel, take me To Lórien, make me Of your elfin-kind

Rolling out dough and you're rolling your eyes And let the dough rise At something I said There's more than the bread, But I can't be there right now Kneading the bread as I'm needing your smile To proof for awhile And while I'm away Recalling the day We ventured to share that vow And time stands still Time stands still Weighing each loaf as I'm weighing my words They thunder like herds Through fields of clichés Replaying the days Obsessively, one more time Frosting the cake; is there frost in your voice? I make every choice While keeping in mind You're not running blind: Together we'll win this climb And time stands still (when every moment is like every moment) Time stands still (when every moment is like every moment) Slicing through loaves I'm repeating repeatedly Actions and thoughts I'll be fleetingly seated with you Loving through slices of time in proximity Each like the next but sublime to the limit with you And time stands still... Stacking up trays...are we stacking the odds Or mocking the gods Each time we succeed In proving our creed Is worth more than one thin dime? And time stands still (when every moment is like every moment) Time stands still (when every moment is like every moment) Time stands still (when every moment is like every moment is like every moment is like every moment is like every moment...)

There comes a day, I'm visiting a backwoods town beside a lake, hear tell of something rare: the locals say that there's a lady all in blue who has been known to take the air, but she appears out of nowhere, then fades away... There's more to hear: It seems there are conditions on her manifest, and rules that have divined when she'll appear; and many men who have been drawn here as if on a quest to find her, but they learn they cannot bind her, and she's gone before the bead of dawn. Once in a blue moon: that's when she's seen abroad, and who'd have thought a chance would bring me there when it was beaming bright? Once in a blue moon— my heart's been stolen from me; it's become my dearest wish to turn the moon blue every night. That eve I stand and watch the sky with wonder at the moon aglow in hues of azure fair. Upon the land a mist of melting violets glistens like fresh-fallen snow. I stare, and just a moment later there appears her hand. She's dressed in blue, and turns her eyes upon me like a thing possessed. The air is still, and then she says, "For you I'd tarry here, but be it known, fair man, I cannot rest, for when the moon has lost its hue again and turned to grey, Then no more can I stay." Once in a blue moon, She walks beside the waters, And it's not as Strange as you might think to fall at love's first sight. Once in a blue moon— but now look what I'm brought to: I have got to find a way to turn the moon blue every night. I guess I ought to mention here, I am a starship's engineer, and thorny problems never leave me dazed. With just a bit of concentration, and inventive adaptation, I can solve this lunar puzzle, facing it unfazed. So by the lake, An Einstein-Rosen bridge I learn to generate within a spheric field, and then I make an artificial zone of gravity to compensate and shield, and time-dilation is the yield, for twice as slow the hours within will go. Once in a blue moon: though it was unexpected, I've bisected every wavelength there within that hastened light. Once in a blue moon, she comes to me thereafter, and our laughter echoes 'neath the moon blue-shifted every night.

I may seem flighty, my head in the clouds I've got a glassy stare, My nose is in the air I'm no iconoclast, I follow the crowds I dig a public square, I know the gang will all be there If there's a handout, I'll be makin' the scene You'll see me struttin', gettin' puffed up for my lady queen You won't get no respect unless you cop a 'tude I'm in a pigeon kinda mood You hear me tappin' at your windowsill You're at home, I know;You're dealin' with a pro Don't try to dodge me: you're payin' my bill I'm not some croakin' crow, And you're no Edgar Allan Poe Some sissy said to me, "Don't crap where you eat." You think I give a rap, then you can kiss my filthy feet So don't pretend you didn't hear me when I cooed: I'm in a pigeon kinda mood Yeah, I've got limits: I won't play your games I ain't no cockapoo, so don't call me names I aint no pussycat, so don't try to pet me But I will eat all those peanuts if you let me I aint scared of nothin': just go ahead and try-- Is that a hawk up in the sky? 'Scuse me a second.... ...Now then, where was I? It's not all gravy, this life on the wing I had a pal named Clay; He ain't with us today Sometimes you're cashin' in, your crop goes ka-ching! Along'll come a stray You've gotta pause to chase away Look out for number one, beware the double cross A squab'll rob you blind if you don't let him know who's boss I've made a livin' bein' obnoxious and rude I'm in a pigeon kinda mood... Babe, there is almost nothin' I won't do for food I'm in a pigeon kinda mood

You're there when I call, and it's been a while Tell you 'bout my day, and I hear you smile You get by okay, but there's been some strain And you've had some sun, but it looks like rain [Chorus:] And I'll see you when I see you And I'll see you when I see you And I'll see you when I see you And I'll see you whenever I've been writing songs, and I'm doin' fine I can feel a ghost walkin' on the line And you sound almost like you want to cry And you pause too long when I ask you why [Chorus] It's a dark patch that you're going through And though I'd like to get together I can see those clouds that shadow you And I can wait for fairer weather If you want to show you love me Take care of yourself, not of me There's a soundless shift in the atmosphere No-one breathes a word, someone sheds a tear And you say you've heard there'll be clear blue sky And you thank me then and you say goodbye [Chorus]